Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
