i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
