its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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