You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
