a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
