chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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