I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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