Christians are straight up FREAKS
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
