Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
