i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
