This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
