plz talk dirty to me
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
