brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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