just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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