honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
