I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
