Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
