I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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