I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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