Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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