We're facebook friends in real life
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
