Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize