i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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