his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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