I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
