I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
