I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
