just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
