the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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