She's JV to your varsity
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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