guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize