Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
