So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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