i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
