no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
