so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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