I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
