I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
