So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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