i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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