fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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