He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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