Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize