if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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