fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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