I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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