Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
