I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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