It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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