It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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