I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize