We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
