How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
