hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
