i love accidental penises.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
