Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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