Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
