my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize