I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
