can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
