So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize