I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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