According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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