You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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