Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
