Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
