ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
